“It’s a love story, baby, just say, ‘Yes.'”

Dear Miss Matters,

I’ve only had one real significant relationship in my life. While I’d been in love before this particular man came along, he is the first person who has reciprocated my feelings and started a formal relationship with me. The experience, while not without its problems, has been amazing. No trust issues, no coercion, but magical romance and dogged support at times of my life when the closest of friends and even family turned tail. After several years dating him, I think he is the man of my life. Things on his end are the same. I mean that he feels like I’m the person he’d like to spend his life with. I’m his first real relationship too, though he did date a little in his teens whereas I didn’t at all. We discuss and plan ahead, both dreamily when it comes to future dreams and hopes and with our heads on tight when we talk finances and stability.  Continue reading

How to Live the Life You Imagine

By Julie Lythcott-Haims

One summer evening when I was twenty-seven years old, I sat on the concrete slab porch of my house and bawled like a baby. I was living in Silicon Valley with my wonderful husband, and worked as a first year associate at a prestigious Bay Area law firm where I earned plenty of money and praise for my hard work. Yet, somehow, inexplicably, when it came to my work life (which felt like my whole life), I was miserable and had a knot in my stomach every Sunday night at the thought of going back to work the next day. To make matters worse, everyone seemed to think I had a great job, because of the money, prestige and other trappings of success that came with it. Moreover, I knew I had no right to be miserable—my parents were loving and supportive and they’d given me a great education. And with that strong foundation, I thought I’d done everything right—the right schools, activities, achievements, and now, job choice. As I sat on the cold concrete behind my house that night I tried to imagine my life as a map and then took an aerial view of it, and understood that somehow I’d ended up on the extraneous periphery of my own life. Continue reading

Women, work and wolves.

Dear Miss Matters,

I’d always heard that working in an office environment with women had the potential to be unpleasant, but until recently I’d never experienced it myself. Now, however, I’m faced with a tough situation. My former boss, who had a great deal of power over me before the company split, has done her level best to grind me down to sawdust. I started off for the company feeling terrific, but over the course of two years this woman took every available opportunity to belittle me in front of others, and to speak poorly about my clothing, hair, make up, skills, intelligence and weight to her friends and our fellow co workers when I was not present. Frankly, it hurt. A lot. I tried everything in my power to be likable and friendly, but it seemed that there was just something about me that offended my former boss to such an extent that she took to mocking even my tone of voice on the phone. I was left bewildered and sad. I was not the only one she did this to. Continue reading

“Oh, Rosalind! Rosalind! [I]t’s a poor substitute at best.”

Dear Miss Matters, 

It’s been four months since my boyfriend of a year gave me a sorry excuse for not being interested in the work required of a healthy, mature relationship. He broke my heart and I’ve been trying my best to mend and stop missing him. So I was pretty wrecked all over again when I found out from mutual friends that “Mister I-have-to-be-alone-so-I-can-figure-out-who-I-am-outside-of-a-relationship” has quickly found a friend-with-benefits (who also apparently looks a lot like I do. Eek.). Continue reading

Welcome to Miss Matters

First thing’s first: a formal introduction:

My name is Alexis. I have spent the last 10 years working in a professional capacity as a tutor/mentor/informal educational therapist/academic consultant.

I’ve always been curious about blogging. I like writing. But I didn’t want to sit at my computer and spout poorly-quoted philosophy.

When I asked myself what I – as a reader – would look for in a blog, I wanted interactivity. I always find that when I have one question answered, another 45 questions follow. And I find that the best part of being a mentor, or one who professionally dishes out advice, is the opportunity both the advice-giver and the advice-seeker have to learn from their shared experiences. I have no interest in pretending that I have all the answers. So this blog will be a collaboration.

With your help, lovelies, and with the inclusion of guest editors’ columns, I invite you to help create a community within which we can all learn and share and challenge and inspire…and matter. This community is a place for questions and concerns and answers and support. This is a space where women of all generations can meet and mingle and share their personal experiences so they may help another woman on her own journey.

Welcome to the 21st century version of the age-old advice column.

Welcome to Miss Matters.

Have a question? Need a friendly ear? Some life advice?

Just ask Miss Matters.